Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Public Service Announcement

  1. Orange juice looks a lot like blood in the darkness of 3:00 a.m.
  2. Orange juice poured into a dark vessel...in the dark...is hard to see and, out of obligation to your rotten luck, will overflow.
  3. Orange juice is sticky when it dries, no matter how hard you try to mop it up...in the dark.
  4. Orange juice is not much of a thirst quencher, especially in the dark, when it looks like blood.
  5. You definitely need glasses if the first bleary-eyed sweep of the neighbor's back porch in the full 'sun' of his flood lights does not reveal him sitting there, having a smoke, in a green t-shirt and grey shorts...at 3:00 a.m.
  6. With all that light streaming into the window the neighbor can see you at the sink as you wait for your glass of water to fill, having determined that orange juice, which looks like blood in the dark, doesn't hit the spot.
  7. Your neighbor may be looking directly at you, but he's not looking at your marvelous brain as you stand there in your bra and panties.
  8. There are a multitude of reasons to wear night garments, rather than underwear, to bed: if a fire breaks out, you don't have to dress to get out of the house; if there's a tornado, you don't have to dress to get out of the house; if a train derails and fills the neighborhood with poison gas, you don't have to dress to get out of the house. Last, but not least, if you need a glass of water, you don't have to worry about your neighbor getting his kicks at your expense.

No comments:

Post a Comment